![]() For me, I concluded that it was either or both of these things either I didn’t have the patience or it just wasn’t for me, but I’ll choose the latter because it served me better. So, I decided to focus on encouraging other people who had the passion and talent to pursue their dreams. I gave up when it started to take a toll on mental health and started giving me anxiety. A part of me couldn’t fathom how something I’ve always loved could reject me, it was like a body organ was rotting and I just watched it die. I put in some work, gave it a couple of years but I just never got it. However, I didn’t want to do it locally because the modeling industry in my city was in its early stages and I didn’t want to be a pawn in some of their catastrophic experiments, which was tilting towards exploitation with the stories of sex trafficking and abuse in the dailies. So, I waited until I got permission from my parents and started trying out opportunities. Fast forward to a couple of years after I figured that no one was going to abruptly stop their car in the middle of the road and ask me to feature on the cover of a magazine. Also, I realized that I wasn’t even that tall. Until, adolescent hit sometime after high school, and I started wondering why all of a sudden my stomach had bulging fat and my once curious eyes just look tired now. You could be a model and you’re in luck because I’m a model scout’. I had always thought that one day I would be walking down the road or go to a supermarket with my mum, and someone would look at my face and say ‘wow, what a beautiful young girl. I was always that kid that did the awkward poses and always leaned back in photos because I was largely influenced by my frequent digest of America’s Next Top Model. Contrary to what you are thinking, all these didn’t make me want to work in fashion, because I already knew I wanted to work in fashion and my mum’s praises only solidified my claim. She said I resembled the first Nigerian to win the Miss World pageant, Agbani Darego. I was tall, skinny, had collar bones with a slender chiseled face, curious eyes, catwalked and my mum called me Miss World (Agbani, to be precise). An example, I have always loved fashion and modeling as a kid. So here’s how it works it starts with a flare or something I pick as a hobby. This feels like a lot to share, but in the spirit of telling myself the hard truths, I have finally decided that I am okay with this. I’m embarrassed to admit that once I do not achieve the level of success I expected going in, I quit. If you’ve followed my blog, you’ll know I can be quite experimental, as I’ve had my hard at a lot of things in a bid to create and express myself. ![]() I was afraid that I would never get to see that day (and no, it’s not because I thought I would die). Graduation photo 2 I may have achieved a few things in my life that might seem commendable but graduating beats all of them because I surprised myself. And therefore, I refuse to be manipulated into silence for the fear of vulnerability. Let me share something personal with you all because I feel like this is a safe space, or at least my safe space and I never want whatever I share here to be influenced by what other people might think. That’s one of the biggest highlights of my life. I have analyzed the occurrences and tried to find a pattern, but I found nothing. I have experienced life as unpredictable as it is, in various ways that I have questioned so many decisions I have taken in the past. In the past couple of months since my last post here, a lot has happened. There are so many things that I wish to say but I’m not sure I have the right words to express this. It’s vulnerability that breeds with self-doubt and then is escalated, often deliberately, by fear.’ – Michelle Obama ‘Failure is a feeling long before it becomes an actual result.
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